A change in scenery
11-10-17
Here I am again, sitting in my dorm room on another college night. A lot in my life has changed since moving to Abilene, who I am, the people around me, the city i'm in, and pretty much everything in between. I've also been able to learn a lot about myself as well, some good, some bad. On a good note i've figured out my major, which is going to be social work, which is a big deal since I had no idea what I was going to do with my life until a few weeks ago and now I have really found a calling towards social work, which I find really exciting. I have realized, especially through an organization called World's Backyard that I really love being able to help people and build relationships with them, especially kids. That is something that makes my heart feel full when everything else seems to be draining it. I have been able to realize the fragile type of personality that I have when I moved away from home and the "norm" of how life was before in the way of how much my heart hurts all the time without being near my parents, brothers, and best friends. I love building relationships with people, and the relationships that I had with them played more of a role in my life than I had really realized before by trying to live without seeing them just about everyday. The first few weeks of college was filled with excitement of moving on and growing up and meeting new people, and of course all of it has been wonderful, but now the adrenaline has worn off and I am just feeling the struggles of (almost) adulthood. But I have also realized that the "adulthood" side of things like cleaning up after myself, managing my time without my parents, and staying on top of my school work is the easy part, the hard part is doing it alone. Of course, I have made friends here and they are all incredible people who I am lucky to get the chance to know, but there is still something inside of me that just wishes that they were my friends from San Antonio. People always say that you meet your best friends in college, but I know that I met my best friend my sophomore year of high school and now she goes to school in Utah, 1045 miles too far away from me. I find it hard to connect with people here, my roommate, and other friends. I want to be able to have a close friendship with them, but whenever I am around them I just want to be anywhere else because of how much I miss my old life with my old friends. I understand that they all must be feeling the same way, but I feel like I can't talk to any of them about it. Taylor would find satisfaction in the fact that i'm hurting so much, and I don't feel like anyone would understand why it is so hard for me to move on. I was so blessed my junior and senior year of high school by having such a close, uplifting, fun, beautiful, and perfect group of friends, and I would do anything to get that back. Literally, anything. Just 2 weeks into college and I had already began the countdown of days until winter break. I am so lucky though to have a mom who loves me as much as mine does, and who is always there for me, even if it is just for me to call her on face time for her to watch me cry and listen to my problems which are probably pretty minuscule in the grand scheme of life. God, I miss my mom so much, it's so hard to think that I will never really live in the same house as her again, it's crazy how fast life can go by. Also the thought that I will never live in the same house as my brothers again, that seems unreal to me. I guess college has taught me that I don't really like change, which I kind of knew before, but it has been made extremely clear since moving to Abilene. But, if there is one thing that I will be forever grateful that Abilene has done for me is to give me back my relationship with God. Since coming here I have been able to get back what I had when I was younger, and have been able to talk to some wonderful people, and have been able to hear in church, and chapel, bible class, and cornerstone, that God forgives! The stupid things that I have done in my past are a part of my life but those decisions do not identify who I am. I have loved being able to read the Bible and really learn about it and learn about Jesus and His life. That is something that I have never been able to do and I am really grateful that I have the opportunity to do it now.
XOXO,
Jess
Here I am again, sitting in my dorm room on another college night. A lot in my life has changed since moving to Abilene, who I am, the people around me, the city i'm in, and pretty much everything in between. I've also been able to learn a lot about myself as well, some good, some bad. On a good note i've figured out my major, which is going to be social work, which is a big deal since I had no idea what I was going to do with my life until a few weeks ago and now I have really found a calling towards social work, which I find really exciting. I have realized, especially through an organization called World's Backyard that I really love being able to help people and build relationships with them, especially kids. That is something that makes my heart feel full when everything else seems to be draining it. I have been able to realize the fragile type of personality that I have when I moved away from home and the "norm" of how life was before in the way of how much my heart hurts all the time without being near my parents, brothers, and best friends. I love building relationships with people, and the relationships that I had with them played more of a role in my life than I had really realized before by trying to live without seeing them just about everyday. The first few weeks of college was filled with excitement of moving on and growing up and meeting new people, and of course all of it has been wonderful, but now the adrenaline has worn off and I am just feeling the struggles of (almost) adulthood. But I have also realized that the "adulthood" side of things like cleaning up after myself, managing my time without my parents, and staying on top of my school work is the easy part, the hard part is doing it alone. Of course, I have made friends here and they are all incredible people who I am lucky to get the chance to know, but there is still something inside of me that just wishes that they were my friends from San Antonio. People always say that you meet your best friends in college, but I know that I met my best friend my sophomore year of high school and now she goes to school in Utah, 1045 miles too far away from me. I find it hard to connect with people here, my roommate, and other friends. I want to be able to have a close friendship with them, but whenever I am around them I just want to be anywhere else because of how much I miss my old life with my old friends. I understand that they all must be feeling the same way, but I feel like I can't talk to any of them about it. Taylor would find satisfaction in the fact that i'm hurting so much, and I don't feel like anyone would understand why it is so hard for me to move on. I was so blessed my junior and senior year of high school by having such a close, uplifting, fun, beautiful, and perfect group of friends, and I would do anything to get that back. Literally, anything. Just 2 weeks into college and I had already began the countdown of days until winter break. I am so lucky though to have a mom who loves me as much as mine does, and who is always there for me, even if it is just for me to call her on face time for her to watch me cry and listen to my problems which are probably pretty minuscule in the grand scheme of life. God, I miss my mom so much, it's so hard to think that I will never really live in the same house as her again, it's crazy how fast life can go by. Also the thought that I will never live in the same house as my brothers again, that seems unreal to me. I guess college has taught me that I don't really like change, which I kind of knew before, but it has been made extremely clear since moving to Abilene. But, if there is one thing that I will be forever grateful that Abilene has done for me is to give me back my relationship with God. Since coming here I have been able to get back what I had when I was younger, and have been able to talk to some wonderful people, and have been able to hear in church, and chapel, bible class, and cornerstone, that God forgives! The stupid things that I have done in my past are a part of my life but those decisions do not identify who I am. I have loved being able to read the Bible and really learn about it and learn about Jesus and His life. That is something that I have never been able to do and I am really grateful that I have the opportunity to do it now.
XOXO,
Jess
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